6:00 AM - CLASS NAME: Vocal Strengthening
ACTIVITIES: 30 Mins of calling "Dadda" increasing in volume until the last 5 minutes is accompanied by cot rocking and toy throwing, thus increasing upper body strength too.
6:30 AM - CLASS NAME: Physical Education
ACTIVITIES: Assorted disciplines including: the soiled nappy removal challenge. The naked-from-the-waist-down 50-meter dash, all in water wrestling, use soap for an added degree of difficulty and toddler dressage, (attempting to re-clothe bathed toddler).
7:15 AM - Snack time.
Treats may include 3-day-old desiccated cereal, milk, water, bread and yoghurt combo health drink and cat food surprise.
10:00 AM - CLASS NAME: Advanced Drama and Histrionics
ACTIVITIES: Wailing, rolling and limb thrashing accompanied by tears, mardiness and sulking. Older students may employ the "perleeeeease" and going limp when picked up technique.
11:00 AM - CLASS NAME: Creative play
ACTIVITIES: Free form shoe piling, sofa decoration sponsored by Marmite, Robinsons jam and Crayola (other spreads, dips and colouring implements are available)
1:15PM - CLASS NAME: Retail Recreation Field Trip
ACTIVITIES: Escapology, product placement liberation, the "Why is that lady so fat/spotty/badly dressed?" game (probably another harassed parent so panic not.) May be accompanied by adult reactions such as: profuse apologitis, inaudible obscenitus in extremis, Mall fever and excusé latté interuptus.
4:00PM - CLASS NAME: Vehicle Maintenance
ACTIVITIES: Safety belt testing, glass impact testing, glass high frequency shatter testing, upholstery stain resistance testing, I.C.E. volume testing, other vehicle observance (car, car, car, car, car, car,)
5:00PM - CLASS NAME: Free Play
ACTIVITIES: Anything non dangerous and not requiring the interaction of an exhausted "Teacher" who may or may not be putting their feet up and having a well deserved rest and recuperation.
