What Dad's
want
NCT Article 03
I
write articles aimed at Dads for the NCT
Magazine. It's a less than serious look
at Fatherhood and I'd hope it balances
the maternal tone. Judge for
yourself...
NCT Magazine Article
01
NCT Magazine Article
02
NCT Magazine Article
03
NCT Magazine Article
04
Film Reviewers Guide
Article
Funny.co.uk Little
Britain
report
As it is/was fathers day
(depending when you read this) I was
pondering on presents, not that they are
expected, just thinking about what I
could do with. A tool box, actually two,
one for DIY tools the other for Car
tools, a good torch, and some new
overalls, well the list goes on and on,
but most of them seemed to be items with
a practical purpose, or just plain
boring. So I started to think about "Wish
list" items and just in case anyone can
oblige here are my top 10, in reverse
order:
10) Some kind of
toddler helmet which would automatically
mute screams, crying fits, demands for
forbidden items and just general
unwanted noise, but would let through
all the cute stuff, like "Dadda" and
"Mumma"
9) A kind of "Get out of
jail free" card for when you have had 1
hours sleep, and are having to deal with a
public infant meltdown. The card would
allow the bearer to have precedent over
queues, parking spaces, and seats in
restaurants including priority over
waiters.
8) A giant who would come
round and sit you on his/her knee and give
you a Daddy hug of your very own. Saying
"There, there, it'll be alright" as you
gently blub.
7) A 10 minute recording
buffer of all things viewed through my
eyes, so that when my wee person decides to
go on a charm and cute offensive and do
something that is just the sweetest thing,
like kiss her brother for the first time,
or tickle my toes I will have it recorded
first hand rather than having the:
"Why are the batteries never put back in
the re-charger"
"Well you try dealing with two kids and a
house"
"I have a business to run"
"Mother was right"
"I'm off to the pub"
Exchange that this can lead to (note the
above conversation is for demonstration
only, actually conversation may vary
depending on your circumstances).
6) Crayon and Ink proof
floors, walls and soft furnishings. No more
need be said.
5) Toddler pause button.
They just never stop, they're exhausting,
just watching them sometimes leaves me
breathless, well I want a pause button so
that I can go make a cuppa, come back and
the room is still in some semblance of
order and the cats aren't traumatised.
4) A special TV which when
viewed from an angle below 90 degrees from
dead on shows endless Pocoyo episodes (Feel
free to insert your child's TV eye candy of
choice here) but when viewed from dead on
or looking down from above it shows Top
Gear and The Apprentice (Feel free to
insert your TV eye candy of choice
here).
3) 1 Extra hour in every
day.
2) Toddler repellent for
when I am in the loo. I could spray it
around the door and it would stop the
incessant banging to be let in, and big fat
tears when it doesn't happen. The ensuing
pants-round-ankle shuffle to the door, and
the small audience as you finish what
should be a solo flight.
1) Dad Miles, which work
like air miles and are clocked up for every
hour you spend in a car with a toddler,
this is doubled for every child in the car.
The balance of points can be exchanged in a
pub of your choice, or go towards part
payment of any season ticket or any
sporting event. Bank Holidays are triple
point bonus occasions.
So, that is my wish list, OK
so I'll need Aladdin's lamp and a
very obliging Genie but a man can
live in hope. Feel free to make up
your own list and send 'em in! Hope
all the Dads out there have a really
good day, make sure you give your
kids an extra special big
hug!
All original material ©
1997-2006 Stuart Morrison and DS
Ltd
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